Relationships - do you have a healthy one? - Ps Chas

Why can families become divided over an issue like a football game, shout at each other, call each other names, accuse each other of bribery, lying, cheating, have thoughts of inflicting pain and injury and doing that somewhat by throwing objects across the room or at the flat screen, and yet within five minutes of the completion of the game, these hostile, passionate, vengeful enemies are celebrating family life again. 

Relationships are built upon values that are the foundation of longevity of a community existing in harmony. Individuals bring their set of values to the community and there is a hierarchical order from which we assess the relationship. Rarely do families split over supporting a different sporting team, unless faithfulness to a team was the highest value for that family; however I have seen separation over faithfulness to political parties. Faithfulness is an important value if it’s connected to each other’s morality and not opposing teams on a football field. 

When one begins a relationship, most of the conversations are focused around your personal values even though you may not be conscious that you're doing it. Things like morality, truth, transparency, keeping your word (integrity), honesty, stability, courage, tolerance, respect, appearance, kindness, faithfulness and many other values is the hidden back bone of every relationship you are in. Everyone has values and they will sometimes clash or connect like cultures do, directing the future of this relationship.

I personally require my relationship truth, transparency, integrity, honour and generosity way before faithfulness in a hierarchical list of my values. My youngest son was born in New South Wales and we don't like each other’s State of Origin team. We are very verbal about it and last night was no different but our permanent relationship is based on higher values. When relationship get disrupted it’s because an individual’s values have been violated either by lying, cheating, unfaithfulness or dishonour which causes the other party to be devalued, resulting in feeling unsafe and causing them to with withdraw and terminate the relationship.  However, when the proper values are the highest priority in your contribution to your family’s life, you are fostering a very healthy long term connection.